sk8outsidedabox blogging at elowel.org
Tonight my boyfriend finally shook some sense into me.
"Real-Talk" as R-kelly might have referred it to.

It started off with me being generally excited about getting a new freelance gig.
Some dude off craigslist posted something about how they need a Jr. motion graphics artist for this project and that there would be some sort of compensation for it. As usual I wrote a cover letter, gave them my website link and my resume and expected nothing would come from it.

However, I got a phone call today from some guy wanting to talk about my reel. All he said was that i emailed him from craigslist and that he liked my reel. (Do know that I sent multiple emails about motion graphic jobs)

I talked to the man and he seemed nice. He said he wanted me to do another freelance project because he thought that the motion graphics project wasn't my style, but instead character animation was much better suited for me. (...Cause this dude knows exactly what I want to do in life. -___-') So it was decided that I would meet up with him this friday and talk about the project.

After the phone call, I told my bf and he didn't seem very excited. He said I jumped around with too many projects and that I get bored easily. All true, I just didn't want to admit it. He said that I should be grateful for what I have and that I am able to live in NYC, while others are either too scared to move, or just don't want to take the risks.

There was much arguing, saying that he didn't know what I wanted to do, and how I was able to time manage and figure out how to balance my current job, internship and a freelance job. Then he nailed it on the head...

He told me that my parents put a lot of pressure on me about getting a job that pays salary, that my parents don't support me at all for being in nyc, (my dad is starting to get use to it...) my mother yelling at me constantly saying that i'll never live up to anything and putting me down ever since i've been here, therefore I want a legit job even if it would make me miserable, as long as I could make my parents happy.

Then my bf said that I shouldn't care about what my mom says because it honestly doesn't matter. She was never a mother to me and still isn't. I just feel like I should respect her because she gave birth to me. Cept my bf said that his mom had him and decided that she didn't want him and put him up for adoption, so if she ever decided to call him out of the blue, he would never answer because those aren't his real parents, despite the fact that she gave birth to him. And the same with my dad, except he did raise me and is a little more liberal now. He just has to learn to respect the fact that I am an adult that can make my own decisions.

That's when it clicked and I realized that he was right. After many years of pressure, stress, trying to impress my parents...

All I have to do is impress myself and make myself happy. <3

So now i'm more confused then where I started...
It's okay.

My bf is very supportive and he told me, if I wanted to talk to fashion designer then he will make it happen and find somone for me, if I wanted to talk to a photographer then he'll ask around, if I really wanted to do animation then I talk to someone.

But at this point, I don't really know what I want to do.

...Anyway, it's good to know that I have him as support and that he's willing to help me.

<3

Good talk. Even though my life is a lil more confusing now.
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