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I'm just a little confused.

Tonight my boyfriend finally shook some sense into me.
"Real-Talk" as R-kelly might have referred it to.

It started off with me being generally excited about getting a new freelance gig.
Some dude off craigslist posted something about how they need a Jr. motion graphics artist for this project and that there would be some sort of compensation for it. As usual I wrote a cover letter, gave them my website link and my resume and expected nothing would come from it.

However, I got a phone call today from some guy wanting to talk about my reel. All he said was that i emailed him from craigslist and that he liked my reel. (Do know that I sent multiple emails about motion graphic jobs)

I talked to the man and he seemed nice. He said he wanted me to do another freelance project because he thought that the motion graphics project wasn't my style, but instead character animation was much better suited for me. (...Cause this dude knows exactly what I want to do in life. -___-') So it was decided that I would meet up with him this friday and talk about the project.

After the phone call, I told my bf and he didn't seem very excited. He said I jumped around with too many projects and that I get bored easily. All true, I just didn't want to admit it. He said that I should be grateful for what I have and that I am able to live in NYC, while others are either too scared to move, or just don't want to take the risks.

There was much arguing, saying that he didn't know what I wanted to do, and how I was able to time manage and figure out how to balance my current job, internship and a freelance job. Then he nailed it on the head...

He told me that my parents put a lot of pressure on me about getting a job that pays salary, that my parents don't support me at all for being in nyc, (my dad is starting to get use to it...) my mother yelling at me constantly saying that i'll never live up to anything and putting me down ever since i've been here, therefore I want a legit job even if it would make me miserable, as long as I could make my parents happy.

Then my bf said that I shouldn't care about what my mom says because it honestly doesn't matter. She was never a mother to me and still isn't. I just feel like I should respect her because she gave birth to me. Cept my bf said that his mom had him and decided that she didn't want him and put him up for adoption, so if she ever decided to call him out of the blue, he would never answer because those aren't his real parents, despite the fact that she gave birth to him. And the same with my dad, except he did raise me and is a little more liberal now. He just has to learn to respect the fact that I am an adult that can make my own decisions.

That's when it clicked and I realized that he was right. After many years of pressure, stress, trying to impress my parents...

All I have to do is impress myself and make myself happy. <3

So now i'm more confused then where I started...
It's okay.

My bf is very supportive and he told me, if I wanted to talk to fashion designer then he will make it happen and find somone for me, if I wanted to talk to a photographer then he'll ask around, if I really wanted to do animation then I talk to someone.

But at this point, I don't really know what I want to do.

...Anyway, it's good to know that I have him as support and that he's willing to help me.


Good talk. Even though my life is a lil more confusing now.

Avatar zanna
01-26-11 22:55
gibts keine hier
Parental guilt, etc is crazy-confusing. :( I hope you are able to make some more headway on that front; it would be really awesome if they came around eventually. :)

Knowing what you want to do is hard. And getting there is pretty tricky, for that matter. I might be changing majors? Just slightly, but still. I'm not sure. I'm still trying to figure out my road. Then again, aren't we all? :)
Avatar unfathomablej
01-27-11 00:14
scholar of China
At the risk of offending Edward Said and pleasuring Amy Chua: goddamnit Asian parents. Look on the bright side, at least they aren't talking marriage. Or babies. It can happen even with liberal parents! ._.

Or maybe it's just a traditional social mores type of thing. I really haven't felt like deconstructing it much.

I've had a hard time tracking down careers in my field. The thing that has kept me sane is the thought that learning new things, even if they aren't necessarily academic (or in your case, artistic), is universally a good thing.

Ultimately I think there have been three phases of working.
(1) Way before our parents' time, work occurred by fiat.
(2) In our parents' time, they worked a role, in society, generally arranged by fiat, to improve themselves, their lives, and to "play off relationships".
(3) In our time, we ought to work to improve ourselves/our lives/our relationships and by that means generate productivity within a society with values assigned by fiat.

In total, I don't think the more conservative parents can fully understand what our ambitions are, and the environment in which we compete for jobs*. Let's try and inform the more conservative of their ranks. But if all fails, don't despair, just keep trying.

*A testament to this is that I don't think the majority of them had to specifically use their connections to find a target employer and then convince the firm to create a job specifically for you.
I also don't think the majority of them were dependent for a huge stretch of time on independent consulting jobs, freelancing gigs, or other ad hoc working relationships. But this seems, increasingly, to be how people of our generation survive.
Avatar sara *
01-27-11 09:06
Have some tea.
Yeah man, fuck your mom! Not only is she ACTUALLY crazy in a bad, bad manipulative way, she has never treated your as her daughter, never cared for you, and was never there for you while you were growing up. All she's ever given you is some bad jewelry and a ton of emotional pain. Just like Quinn said, sooner or later you just have to say "fuck them" and live for yourself.

And your dad... is your dad. He can be cool sometimes, but you can't live your life for him. Or work in his restaurant for the rest of your life, ha ha.

We all carry some feelings of obligation towards our parents, but really you just need to live for yourself and meditate on what would make you really happy. I know what you mean, though, about not knowing what you want to do and jumping from one opportunity to another; I do that too. I think we just need to keep trying things and see or, if we figure out what we want, then work towards a goal.
Avatar sk8outsidedabox
01-27-11 18:10
Awwwhh Snaps!!
Yeah, I finally let go of that. Even though Sara you've been telling me pretty much from day 1. I have to give you HUGE credit on that one. Lol. Took me about...uhh...like 10 and a half years, but at least it finally got to me. Lololol.

Also Jon I think you're right. I think about this a lot and think that my traditional parents just can't understand my contemporary ways.
Azn parents give you a lot of guilt trips and just want you to be close to family.
I think I was influenced with too much western culture and decided that I needed to leave instead of stick around and work with the fam.

This is a good choice I think. <3 Maybe i'll have less white hairs now.
Avatar camabar
01-28-11 11:47
If you say so.
I feel your pain as far as parents go... guilt-trippy, over-bearing crazy Indian parents! But they are cool too... and they make curry..

I'm glad you've decided to be satisfied with making yourself happy!!
Avatar sk8outsidedabox
01-31-11 21:56
Awwwhh Snaps!!
Yeah and I just realized that I want a new wardrobe for a new Diana. Lol
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